She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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