im so drunk with asians
where?
always
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
