Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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