we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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