I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
