come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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