Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There's always time for handjobs
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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