Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize