I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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