I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
