porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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