Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
