Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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