i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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