They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
