You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
