my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
