Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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