I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
