I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Your cock deserves a montage
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
