Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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