The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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