I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
