Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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