Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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