Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
