last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
how does that bad decision feel?
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