Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
