i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
