you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
