i'm signing you up for texting rehab
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
