How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
