i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
