he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
