I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
