Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
