i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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