Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
