I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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