oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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