I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
