Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
