i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
