Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
