You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
