i think my mom watched the whole time
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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