john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
