Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
