Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have post one night stand depression
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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