drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
