You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
