It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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