I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
