I think I died a long time ago.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
