I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
