i permit you to call me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
