SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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