That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
