so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
