I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize