Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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