The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize