pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
