When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
