i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
