I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
