im six kinds of drunk right now
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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