Already got asked if we're dating
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
