i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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