hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
