I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
