I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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