She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
