just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
